Distance

There are nearly three months of separation between my ex and I.  The distance is wider than the Grand Canyon, and in many ways my life three months ago feels like a different lifetime.  I am not the same person, and my life is not the same.

I'm finding some peace in all of this.  Deep, deep peace, like a cobalt pool at the foot of a waterfall.  Peace like watching a sleeping child.

Recently some news came to light about Bryan, the type of news that once had the power to shake me and hurt me.  I worry for him: his life is not under control, and he's not making good decisions, and he's reaping the 'rewards' of his choices.  I learned some new information....

And I was okay.  Once the initial "Are you kidding me?" had passed, I felt deep sadness for Bryan.  I found myself saying a little prayer for him that he can find himself again, that he can summon the strength it will take to mend his life.

I did a little mental check - how will this impact me?  How will it impact Katherine?  Will I be able to manage it?  Will I be okay?
I'll be fine.  I will manage.  Katherine will be fine.  We'll be fine.  Actually, we'll be better than fine.  We're thriving.

He can swing a(metaphorical) punch, but the punches no longer hit their target, and with that distance I find my anger dissipated to something that doesn't burn me any more when I touch it.  With under three months distance, I find myself sending him little prayers the same way that I do for the homeless person with a sign on the corner, the same way that I do when the ambulance rushes by with lights flashing, the way that I do when I hear of a person with illness.  I see his humanity, his brokenness, and I wish peace and healing for him.

This is very new.

And somehow, like alchemy, my compassion for him is giving me joy.  I feel free, and filled with more hope than before, and lighter.  My life is rich and full, but I hear a little whisper in the wind, "It's right around the corner, keep going...."

What is right around the corner?  Riches?  Awards?  Romantic love?  (Oh, please let it be romantic love!)

I never knew that this kind of compassion would feel so good.