Despite the frost and fog, I have reached a spring in my heart, and it is my time to laugh, to be born, to mend, to seek.
As of 2pm yesterday, I am officially divorced. My girlfriends and I waited for my turn, and we actually got shushed in the courtroom, which was just perfect, because it made me feel like a giggly fourth-grader.
The divorce itself was very anticlimactic - a small handful of questions, perhaps two minutes in duration total, and the deed was done. It took longer waiting in line to get certified copies than it did to actually get the divorce completed.
I stepped outside the courtroom, and felt free. I celebrated with those beloved girlfriends, and we toasted to Bryan's future (may it be filled with all good things) as well as my own. I bought a bottle of champagne to share, we ate French food, we admired the views, we laughed. Two of us even went to see live music afterwards, and it was fantastic.
I have reclaimed my name (although the name changes at every institution I work with will take ages, at least Facebook and Gmail know my real name now).
It's behind me. And I am well. I'm on the first page of the next chapter of my life, and thrilled to be here. How will the story unfold?
Well, I know how it unfolds this week. Busy at work, lots of projects going on. And this weekend is Katherine's sleepover birthday party at our home. Perfect: I can focus on my beloved daughter and her silly friends, and the house will be filled with laughter. No ghosts of sadness will be able to linger, because there will be too much joy for them to stick around.
Oh, and I have a coffee date tomorrow before work! No expectations, just coffee.
My heart is light. Wishing you, whereever you are, no matter how lonely, that you find your place. Today, I am in mine, and it is a gift.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
~ Mary Oliver ~