Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Falling out of love at different times

I know when I fell out of love.  My love withered slowly, and I tried everything I could think of to revive it - watering it with counseling, fertilizing it with sex, shining sunshine on it with a marriage class, pruning it with biting my tongue - but no matter what I did, I watched the flowers turn brown and the leaves drop.  One day, I looked at it again, and saw that it was dead and dry, and there was no hope, and that no amount of care in the world could revive it, and I was done.  Almost immediately afterwards, I asked for a divorce.

But I wonder all the time how it was for my ex to fall out of love with me. 

I'm pretty sure he loved me, as best he could, in the early days.  His marriage proposal was sweet, thoughtful, and romantic, and I thought that the proposal itself spoke of the greatness that would follow in our marriage.  I was sure that any man who proposed like that understood love and romance; I did not understand that it was the last great romantic gesture he would ever give me in our relationship.  I did not understand that it was the end of his making an effort to connect with me, for that matter.

As I was the one to point out that our marriage was dead ("See?  There are no leaves left, even in the summer...."), he knew clearly when I fell out of love, because I told him, using the words, "I'm sorry, but it's over, and I would like a divorce."  When I realized that I was the only one watering, tending, caring (he'd given up on making any effort, following any counselor's suggestions, by then), I made a conscious decision to stop loving, because trying to love him hurt me far too much.

But when did he fall out of love?

I think that maybe he fell out of love with me a decade ago. 

Typing that makes me wince a bit, because the truth hurts, and a decade ago I was singing his praises to anyone who would listen, overriding that little voice inside me that said, "this isn't right....why isn't he responding any more?"  It was more than a decade ago that he showed me the temper that he'd hidden until we were married.  His libido, once matching mine, fell as soon as we were engaged.  He became more distant with each passing year, and my questions of "Hey, do you want to talk about anything?" and "Are you okay?" and "Is there anything I can do to help?" only angered and annoyed him; he'd respond "I'm fine! Leave me alone!"  He was clearly not fine.  And he clearly did want to be left alone.  He didn't want to go out on dates with me.  He didn't want to sit next ot me on the sofa watching a movie together.  I had to drag him out to family excursions.  And he became less and less helpful, more and more resentful of any request I made of him to help with childcare or household tasks or any of his time.  And dreaming for a future?  Forget about it.  We had a hard time making plans for the weekend, let alone for mutual long term goals.

Three different years with three different counselors did not impact things at home.  He made it clear that the counseling itself annoyed him, and he found me disloyal for dragging him to counseling.  He yelled, he argued, he stonewalled, he lied, he avoided, he slept in the guest room.

But here's the thing....

He was hurt when I asked him for a divorce.

I don't think he even KNOWS that he fell out of love with me long before I fell out of love with him; I think he's in deep denial, even now.  I think that his personal truth is that I left him because I'm uncaring and disloyal and selfish - why else would a wife and mother leave her husband?  It's hard for me to sit with that one, because it stings.  I want to protest, knowing that protesting does me no good, so I remain silent.



Can someone fall out of love without noticing?  If he did notice, then what prevented him from taking action on that information?  Why would anyone stick around if they were as miserable as he clearly was in our marriage, and unwilling to work on it?

And why do people fall out of love like that?  I fell out of love because he became unkind to me, and because he clearly didn't want to be with me.  What causes someone to stop loving someone else who loves them?

When did you know that you had fallen out of love?


I'm pretty sure that there are no answers to many of those questions, but I'm asking them anyway.  Readers, I'd love to hear your experiences, even if the answers to my own situation are an eternal mystery, even if there is no certainty.   I look forward to hearing from you.

46 comments:

  1. I never fell out of love with my ex. That's what my our breakup so painful for us both. We just couldn't live together. We fought about everything. And his moodiness and temper brought out the worst in me.

    When did it feel like it was going downhill? After we had kids. He switched all his love and attention to them and seemed to have none left for me at the end of the day. Perhaps that would have changed as they grew older and less needy, but we'll never find that out.

    But our continued love has enabled us to have a deep friendship despite the end of our marriage. And for that, I am grateful.

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    1. I' m Alice Chapman from USA,this is incredible! I still imagine how Dr. Candova brought my husband back to me in just 24 hours.. No one could have ever made me believe that this testimony that I’m about to write now would actually one day be written by me. because I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like that, but I was told by a trustworthy source (a very close co-worker) that Dr. Candova is a very devoted, talented, and gifted spell caster, and after much cajole she got me to visit this email:Candovalovespell@gmail.com .It was one of the most excellent thing I have ever done in my whole life. My love life was in total mess after my husband dumped me for another woman,and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn't seem to care. So, with nothing but my pride to lose, I checked it out. I was flabbergasted. This man is for REAL. He did whatever magic he does, and lo and behold – no more than 48 hours later, I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage psychotherapy, and we’re doing very, very well right now. and now he has loved me more than ever..Thank you so much Dr. Candova for your Love and for reuniting my family back sir, his Email:Candovalovespell@gmail.com,or Candovalovespell@yahoo.com.,Tel:+2348131612153

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    3. I want to give an unlimited thanks to this Great man Called Dr. Okaya. I am happy today because my husband is now back with full of love, My husband left me for another woman,just because we had a little misunderstanding. he left me and promise he will never come back to me again. i cry all day looking for a solution to help me bring him back. Then i saw a testimony share on the internet by client. i email him and tell him my problems with my ex husband, and he promise to bring him back home within 2 days. indeed he is wonderful he help me to get my husband back within 2days which he promise and my husband return to me and promise to love me forever and beg me for the pain he caused me. I will forever be grateful to you Dr and i will not stop to publish your name on the internet for people to see how truthful you are. And I want to say to everyone on this site that I will always remain thankful to this man Dr. Okaya for all he has done for me,My husband is back with love,caring,truthful and he promise to love me forever.I have made a promise that every body I know will never have a relationship problem, via email (OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM Or call/Whatsapp +27814506790


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    4. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

      Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

      Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

      Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

      And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

      Insert subject line here and link it to <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

      Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

      It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

      And even begging to be with you.

      Here’s what I’m talking about:

      Insert subject line here and link it to <========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

      Thanks again.











      .

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  2. Sorry for the incoherent sentence. It should have been: "That's why our breakup was so painful for us both."

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  3. Oh, Molly, I'm sorry that you've had to manage the particular hell of divorcing someone you love. In some ways, I'm sure that only complicated things more, despite the wonderful way that you have of framing your new relationship with your ex.

    I know that having children alters the dynamic for a lot of couples, and I am no exception. When there were twice as many things to do and I was exhausted beyond comparison, he sort of disappeared, leaving me to manage all of it. I may never know whether he resented how much of my attention our daughter took, whether he was balking at the responsibility of it all, or whether it was something else entirely, but it was a turning (downhill) point in our relationship.

    I aim towards the friendship you so eloquently describe. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I still like to hold it as a goal. Baby steps!

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    1. Hi, Pollyann! I think it's possible to stop loving someone who loves you because I don't think we always love BECAUSE someone loves us, in the first place. Does that make sense? I think the processes, if you can think of love or falling in love, as a process, are separate. Think of unrequited love. If we can begin to love someone independent of how they feel about us, then we can surely stop loving them independently as well.

      Also, I think it's important to make a distinction between how you treat someone and whether or not you love them. You may be fond of someone and treat them well, but not necessarily love them. And vice versa...sometimes, we don't always treat the people we love as well as we should.

      I can only conjecture about your husband's position here, but something you said really struck me. You wrote: "I think that his personal truth is that I left him because I'm uncaring and disloyal and selfish." So to invert that suggests that his sense of obligation trumps the kinds of things that concern you (love, caring, respect, partnering). In essence, he's been miserable (for whatever reason) for a decade and HE stayed, so he expects you to to stay out of a sense of obligation too, even if you're miserable. From this pov, love is beside the point, sad to say.

      Like you, I made the conscious decision to stop loving because loving had come to hurt. Like you, the sun rose and set on the person I loved for well over a decade. But when it got to the point where the idea of continuing in the relationship left me feeling weary and doomed, I knew that something had shifted. So today, there's a fondness and a friendship, but not that deep love that once was.

      Thanks for these questions. :-)

      ~Deesha

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    2. Deesha, you make many interesting points. Thank you! Let's see if I can respond to them all.

      I agree that loving someone does not guarantee a love in response. I think I'm curious, though, about how two people can fall in love, and when things are apparently going swimmingly and the course is set, one can fall out of love. Is it chemistry? Failed communication? Distraction by others more beautiful or filled with promises? What causes someone to leave that path once they've set out upon it willingly? There may be a million answers for each case, but still, conceptually, this intrigues me.

      And as to your second points, yes, I think there is a lot of merit in this. Strangely, I think it's possible that my ex believes that he still loves me, though his external actions would demonstrate otherwise. I DO believe that he stayed out of obligation, which might be tied to a hopelessness that things could ever get better. I wonder how frequently this is the case?

      "Fondness and friendship" sounds like a pretty good place to me; much better than the distrust that we share now (or the "weary and doomed" situation you describe - I know that feeling, too, and I'm sorry you've gone through it as well). It's a goal, and I think I can get there. Thank you so much for sharing your ideas, and your journey. I hope you pop back in again. :-)

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  4. PollyAnna, this was really a beautiful and thought provoking piece. It sounds like your ex is much like mine. I was telling him for years that I was unhappy and making plans for dinner and dates because I felt the romance draining and my ambivalence for him increasing and it scared me. I didn't want to fall out of love with him. And he made NO effort. He made no effort even on our dates. I would even go to the trouble of getting a sitter and he didn't care to go. I cried my eyes out that night.

    I drug him to therapy but it was over for me by then. I just wanted a safe place to tell him I wanted a divorce. The therapist worked hard to get me to give him another chance and to make him see I was serious. She would give him assignments, to invite me on a walk or a coffee date, but it had to be his initiative. I waited, nothing.

    And like your ex, he acted hurt and shocked when I pulled the plug, like I was some terrible fallen mom. He screamed at me and accused me of leaving my family and my kids. Umm no. I'm leaving you. They are coming with me. Then we decided to bird nest.

    I think that Stanley loved being married because he is super lazy and he thought he was done, he didn't have to work at a relationship anymore. Beautiful family, successful wife, etc. I think he grieves that loss and that he has to work now, dating is hard work.

    I hate I ignored some of what he was showing me and I hate that he waited to show me some parts of his personality until after we were married. I married him much too quickly.

    I love this piece. I may reference it on my blog if that is alright.

    CM

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    1. Cuckoo Mama, I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for responding to this piece. You are not alone. I am not alone. Being the leavers, I think that some might assume that we left because WE gave up, when really, we left because they were already gone. This is tricky territory, very confusing for everyone involved, I think.

      I'm about to leave town for a long weekend, but I will reply more thoroughly when I return. I'll look forward to seeing your reference, too - of course that's okay. :-)
      PollyAnna

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  5. If I were able to put into words the death of love, it would be too painful to type. My husband fell out of love with me shortly after we married. Everything changed. It seemed as if he lost interest in everything pertaining to me: sex, vacationing, family celebrations, spending time together. Nothing I said or tried to do had any effect. Marriage counceling annoyed him too, and he had no interest in trying any of the suggestions made by the councilor.
    I think I miss the sex the most, and the effect it has had on me has been devistating. I no longer take joy in looking good for him. He doesn't notice anymore. The worst part is,that when I ask him to do something for me and he gets annoyed and irritable I realize that one could not love another and not want to please them. It is just not possible.
    I told him that if he loved me he would try to give me the things I ask for: acknowledgement appreciation, affection. love in the form of a simple gesture , conversation about something I'm interested in, a soft caress! I'm still waiting...

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    1. Anonymous, I can feel the pain behind your words, and I ache for you. I know that pain all too well.

      I have further thoughts, and will reply when I'm back on Monday or Tuesday. Until then, be well, and thank you for sharing with me/us here. You are not alone.

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  6. Anonymous, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. It was a tough week!

    It sounds like you and I had similar marriages. It is difficult to live that way, and it taints even the beautiful things in life, in my experience.

    I can not advise you as to how to live - I know all too well that marriage is so personal, and that there are reasons to stay, or to leave, different one person to the next. I will only tell you that I believe that you deserve the best possible life, and that we all have the strength we need to make that life. Whether you stay or go, I hope that you actively pursue your own happiness.

    And as for missing sex.....oh, sister, I hear you. I have been re-virginized, and I'm not too happy about it. "The First Time" guy better be up for a LOT of fun, because when I get to that stage again, I have a lot of making up for lost time to do. Fun to think about, don't you think? ;-)

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  7. I can hardly begin to tell you how many of your words in this one post and its comments speak to me! All of them accurately reflect what I have dealt with since March 1 of this year, when I finally summoned the courage and self-respect to tell my husband of 32 years that I was done with the emotional games and abuse, the fighting, the hoping, and wanted a divorce.

    "I think that his personal truth is that I left him because I'm uncaring and disloyal and selfish." So to invert that suggests that his sense of obligation trumps the kinds of things that concern you (love, caring, respect, partnering). In essence, he's been miserable (for whatever reason) for a decade and HE stayed, so he expects you to to stay out of a sense of obligation too, even if you're miserable. From this POV, love is beside the point, sad to say."

    "And like your ex, he acted hurt and shocked when I pulled the plug, like I was some terrible fallen mom. He screamed at me and accused me of leaving my family and my kids. Umm no. I'm leaving you."


    "Being the leavers, I think that some might assume that we left because WE gave up, when really, we left because they were already gone. This is tricky territory, very confusing for everyone involved, I think."

    I can see that I need to spend time reading through your archives. Thank you - and your readers' commenting here - for the transparency and honesty. It is truly healing....

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  8. DebK, I am so very, very glad that you're finding some healing words here - that really makes my day. The beauty of a blog is in the shared conversations, and I welcome you to our group of wise, strong women who are struggling through divorce. (Oh, and one man, too! Hello, WQB, if you're reading this. Men are as welcome as women here, but not been responding to let me know they're here.)

    You can do this, you can make the life you want. If I can, you can. And I think we can do it! Wishing you well, wishing you strength.

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  9. (going back thru your archives) I found this piece especially eloquent/poignant/meaningful to me...
    In my case, after years of struggle (throughout which we almost separated many times, but I never doubted that we LOVED one another), my Ex found his "soulmate" (ack) & proceeded in his own way to rewrite history. It makes me cringe to think of the lies he has told our son (I couldn't help but correct the "misconception" that he & S hadn't met until AFTER Z was born: excuse me, we had been good friends w/S & J for at least 4 - 5 yrs prior to Z's arrival!)
    When Z was an infant & toddler, I wrote many things (trying to stick to objective FACTS) in a handwritten journal, which I planned to give my son when he grew to adulthood. Now I'm not so sure - it's more a record for myself, of course.

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  10. I was married to my beloved husband and we loved and cherished ourselves for good 2years and every thing was going on smoothly but april 5, 2013 we both had misunderstanding and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love my husband very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered returning love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my husband came back to me with much love and a caring heart...i am testifying to this great spell caster of Ishvara temple you are a grate man in this world and you mean so much to me you are the best spell caster that i have ever hear off in all website contact this man via this email if you really need to get your problems solve ishvaratemple@yahoo.com

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  11. I want to say thanks to Dr Ishvara for bring back my lover to me , my husband said he want to divorce me for him to get marry to another woman after will have be together for 6 years few days for us to go and divorce, i say some body testify of what a spell caster have done for her so i desired to give a try it was 7 days to go and divorce and when i contacted him , he said that he can get him back for me the third day my husband stop the divorce and now will are together for good .if you in any type of problem in your relationship contact him via email: ishvaratemple@yahoo.com

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  13. Romantic love does not always lead to a permanent relationship. A number of psychological factors have to be just right. It can fall apart for a number of reasons.

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  14. My name is GENA from USA My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Philippine for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Philippine.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about a month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr.Agumagu for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr. Agumagu contact him through agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com

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  15. Dear friends, i had a problem with my girl friend 2years ago, which lead to our broke up. when she broke up with me, i was not my with self again, i fill so empty inside me. until a friend of my Walt pen told me about a spell caster who helped him in the same problem too. i email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. before i knew what was happening my girl friend gave me a call and told me that she was coming back to me and was so joyous to have her back to me. we have two kids together and we are happy with our selves. thanks to ductorjerryspell@gmail.com for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work the great spell caster

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  16. How i got my boyfriend back.Am Stacey Bruno by name I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who's name is Dr ATILA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one's gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I'm now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is atilahealinghome@yahoo.com

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  17. i read some testimony about Dr Osaze on how he has helped people in bringing back there ex within 48hours i was just thinking if that was real,And decided to call a
    lady who made a testimony and also dropped her number,So i called her and ask her about Dr Osaze she said Dr Osaze is a trustworthy man and he his ready to bring back
    my lover for me,i was just so happy and a little bit relief that my lover will be back to me soon,Then i decided in contacting Dr Osaze which i did,And before i could
    share him my problem he has already told me what i came for,And he said everything will be okay within 48hours that my lover will be back to my arms,So he said he
    would be casting the spell and that within 48hours my lover would call me,So i hoped so truly before the 48hours i got a call from a man who has left me for the past
    6years saying he is sorry and he wants me back,i was happy and i said i also want him back,Then i traveled to Canada to meet him up,And he apologized for what he has
    done to me now he proposed to marry me and we are both preparing for our wedding soon,All thanks to the great and World best spell caster, Dr Osaze His private mail
    spirituallove@hotmail. com

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  18. I am KATHY by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address kizzekpespells@outlook.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.KIZZEKPE. His email: kizzekpespells@outlook.com

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  19. I have been married 23 years. My husband pursued me at 23 yo while he was in a 1.5 year marriage to someone else where he said he was unhappy. He left her and I was moved in, engaged and married to him within a year. We had two children within the first four years of marriage. We moved rather fast and parenthood took us for a loop. He was very passive and I was left to make the rules and I am also very high strung. He is a limited communicator, as he thinks life should be all fun and games and is also a functional alcoholic. I am in his eyes, too stressed out. We managed through but lived mainly for our kids never taking time for us! By year 10 of marriage I had already built a wall up towards him because of the differing parenting styles and the constant beer drinking and his overall laid back lifestyle. He is an amazing man who will do anything for anyone though. This wall got bigger and bigger and our sex life suffered. I kept telling him my needs weren't being met so it was hard for me to meet his. By year 12 I had an affair that lasted 4 years. I justified it in my mind because my needs weren't being met. I ended it and it was so hard of for me to ever view our marriage the same again. He never found out but it lost any chance of our marriage being the same. I really checkout emotionally and withdrew socially and got into a depression. Now at 23 years he up and left saying he needs to find himself and that I have been unloving. I am devastated. I never thought he would leave. I have been begging him to get counseling and limit if not stop his drinking. I don't know why I am shocked since I guess all of the above basically indicates maybe I haven't been in the "right" kind of love with him. But I guess we built a family and I wanted to grow old together. Does he deserve someone better than I? Isn't it both of us that contributed to this demise? I am so confused right now and am looking for input from unbiased parties.

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  20. Anonymous, first of all, let me tell you that my heart goes out to you because clearly you are hurting and frightened of the future, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

    Second, let me say that I have no idea what is right for you, or how to advise you. I am not an expert - as a matter of fact, I only know myself, I don't know the last thing about romantic love. That means that you should take whatever say with a huge grain of salt.

    Third, I've got opinions. I always do. ;-)

    My opinion is that, whatever the cause, neither of you has been fully engaged in your marriage. Both of you deserve deep happiness - don't we all? - but neither of you will find it until you're honest with yourselves and one another. You seem to come clean in your message with me, understanding what problems you contributed to the marriage.....but what are you willing to do about it? Are you willing to seek help for depression, to be honest about your needs, to try to connect emotionally? Are you willing to put up real boundaries around his drinking - checking out is NOT a boundary, it is passive aggressive - and stand by his side if he confronts it head on, but walk away if he won't quit and that doesn't work for you? Are you willing to go to counseling together? Are you willing to admit that he IS lost (the drinking proves that, at least) and that he does need to find himself in order to be a great partner.....but that you do, too? Are you willing to admit that you have been checked out for 13 years and longer, and that was damaging to the marriage? Are you willing to ask yourself why, to work hard on the answers, and to create your own happiness again so that you can bring that happiness to the world and to any relationship that you're in?

    One of my friends had an affair and it came out in the marriage that the affair had taken place. The marriage counselor told them "This is where your house is swept out to sea; the old marriage is gone now. But the question is: will you rebuilt on bedrock, or will you create another house of cards?"

    It seems to me that this is a potentially amazing turning point in your life. It seems to me that now that your crumbling house has been lost, you have a chance to rebuild and make it a beautiful castle. Will you approach yourself first, and do the work that you need to do, to see what your truth is and build upon that? You seem to forget that you have been unhappy for decades - decades! - and that though he left you, not you him, you need to rebuild, too. Start by rebuilding yourself, and then if being with him still appeals to you, tell him about how you've worked on your own issues and invite him to work on his so that you can reconnect.

    Or perhaps you will find that he has released you to live your own best life.

    Whatever happens, this might be a turning point that brings great beauty - not mediocrity - back into your life. While it's painful - no doubt about that - perhaps great things can come of it. I don't know if you and he belong together or apart, but certainly after all the pain you've both endured for so long, you both deserve to love yourselves and your lives again. Maybe when that happens there will be room to love each other once again, but in any case, this is a chance to live a more beautiful and profound life....with or without him.

    I have been candid, and I hope that some small truth here shines and helps you. I do wish you every happiness.

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    1. PollyAnna, thank you so much for your reply. Your words resonated with me and are what I need to hear. I do believe I need to do a lot of work on myself and that the situation we were in was preventing that. Perhaps some of us don't like shake-ups and for some odd reason prefer stagnation even when it feels miserable. He and I were so far apart that I don't think there was a way back. Perhaps with our own personal growth something new can be created, one never knows, but either way our way of existing wasn't going to suffice! I do hope he can get help for his drinking. I would always support that but he doesn't see it as a problem. I cried reading your reply because it touched on everything so perfectly that I feel as if you know us. Although I feel so sad I know there is no other way. Thank you so much.

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  21. Big thank you to Sorceress mama jaja, I don’t want to go into the whole long story..but bottom line is I have been doing no contact and he has emailed and phoned and I have ignored…. now I know for a fact he is PISSED ..big time…he has written some things on his profile that I know were meant for me to see…what do I do??? I am panicked he will just say for get it.. I order love spell from this powerful sorceress, mamajajasorceress@yahoo.com and my boyfriend came back to me.

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  22. I am Mithra Kalyani.from Canada let my testimony bring solution to your situation, i was in a relationship with my boyfriend for four(4) we loved each other so much he was always there whenever i needed him, there was a sudden change of feeling towards me and he was abusive for reason which i do not know, he will go out with the boys and drink come back home and we fight most time, he therefore started seeing a girl from his work place, he will close from work and not come back home. i was losing him gradually yet he do tell me he still love me. the worse happened when he left the house to live with the other girl and it was frustrating i needed help but there was nothing i could do then i decided to search for help and advice online when i came across a wonderful review about a spell caster called Dr ATILA who have helped people to get back their ex. i contacted the spell caster with little or no faith, i gave him all the information he needed to make the spell work through his email address: atilahealinghome@yahoo.com he told me to expect my boyfriend to come back to me after 24hours which i believed. my boyfriend came back to me as the spell caster said and also kneel apologizing for putting me through emotional trauma. his email is:atilahealinghome@yahoo.com.Dr ATILA is truly gifted.

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  23. My name is Kesby Karen Jean i am very happy for the wonderful work Dr bolingo has done for me i got married to my lovely husband last year February and we have a lovely son. things was going well with us and we are living happily. until one day my husband started behaving in a strange manner i could not understand, i was very confused with the way he treat me and my son. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was sad and also frustrated i did not know what to do,i was sick for more than a week because of the divorce. i love him so much he his everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told one of my child hood friend and she told me to contact a spell caster that she has listen to one woman who testify about dr bolingo and she has been hearing about him that i should try him i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing but i just say i should try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr bolingo for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman. that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want to divorce me. then he told me that has to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and my son, he casted the spell and after 1 day my husband came back home and started apologizing he said that he love me so much that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr bolingo casted on him that make him come back to me,right now am so happy again. thank you Dr bolingo for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. this is to every one who is facing divorces or heart break by your lover i want you to contact him now because he can do it for you his powers is great and dont have any side effect in the future contact him through his mail: bolingospelltemple@gmail.com .contact him now and your problems will be solve for ever.once again thanks to dr bolingo.

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  24. Midred Jackson Says

    Am giving this testimony cos am happy

    My name is Midred Jackson from Michigan I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2015 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called DR OTIS DARKO. He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address: otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    GREAT OTIS DARKO I thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you I would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

    What a powerful man such as DR OTIS DARKO.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. otisdarko60@yahoo.com................... YOU CAN ALSO ADD US UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

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  25. I am just another person that as i would say, the ' GREAT SPELL CASTER OTIS DARKO ' has helped word can not describe all he did for me i would rather you all that would read this were all in my life when all what he did for me materialized because only then will you really believe what i am talking about. I was not born with a royal blood and i do not even come from a decent family by decent i mean a family with wealth and all that and it was more than normal that my relationship with a royal blood will cause a lot of feud in both my home and that of my fiance. Yes he from a royal family but i will not mentions anything else in other to avoid scandal. We meant on a faithful Sunday in church and just like that he swept me off my feet i knew he was the prince but that was not while i fell for him it was more like i fell for him because he seem calm and always at else with everything it was like he did not even see himself as a prince. May be you may think its because it was not next in line but when i got to really know him, i saw that he was just an unembellished person that wanted to live his life in peace. It all start with us being friend and then on every night of Christmas 2004 that he spent at my house he kissed me and believe me in my mind i was Cinderella. It was like my heart was going to burst in flame i never knew i had all those feelings locked away in my heart but he broke the chain that was holding it back with just one kiss. Even when he wanted to be with me he family was again it and it was always like i was the root of what ever problem he was going through with his family. I thought to myself, i can not be the one to take the peace he had i felt he was better and at else without me. We where always of and on and all the while he waited for me with the biggest of hope that i will come back. I knew he was madly in love with me as i was in love with him but being with him was a problem as much as not being with him. His family won't let him be with with me. They opposed our relationship for nine years we where in love but unhappy our relationship was going no where with all the feud. I could no longer be the one an entire family hate and the same time be in love with a guy that his family did not want me. I some how some way got to know about OTIS DARKO a spell cast a great one at that. All i want was to be with my now fiance forever and to be loved and cared for by his family just as it suppose to be. I asked him to help me make my heart desires materialize because i saw a lot of testimonies on the internet about him and the number of people he helped everybody and every blog and forum had his name and his work. I needed to be one of the people he helped. After a lot of conversation he agreed to help me and asked that i get some materials he listed for me. I could get them but i would have made too many people ask question and it needed to be done in a very low profile so i wired the total cost to him so that he can get the materials i needed for the spell and there by avoid exposing myself over what should have be done in secret until the spell process was completed. Yes OTIS DARKO helped me with he spell and he send me a package containing what i can not disclose all i can say is that it was the result of the spell he helped me cast and he gave instruction on how i would use it to make the spell effective. I did all he asked of me and just like he promise me at the beginning, the spell made my fiance entire family love respect and treat me like their own child. To me i would say that OTIS DARKO was my fairy godmother because maybe right now my life would have be miserable basically because i would have had to let go of the love of my life because no one or more like his family would not approve our union. Contact OTIS DARKO because you will only be helping yourself and yourself only use this email as contact otisdarko60@yahoo.com......YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

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  26. Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of DR OTIS DARKO that helped me recently to bring back my wife that left me for another man for no reason for the past 3 years. After seeing a post of a woman on the internet testifying of how she was helped by DR OTIS DARKO. I also decided to contact him for help because all i wanted was for me to get my wife, happiness and to make sure that my child grows up with his mother. Am happy today that he helped me and i can proudly say that my wife is now with me again and she is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of DR OTIS DARKO should contact him now on his E-mail: otisdarko60@yahoo.com...YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

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  27. I' m Alice Chapman from USA,this is incredible! I still imagine how Dr. Candova brought my husband back to me in just 24 hours.. No one could have ever made me believe that this testimony that I’m about to write now would actually one day be written by me. because I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like that, but I was told by a trustworthy source (a very close co-worker) that Dr. Candova is a very devoted, talented, and gifted spell caster, and after much cajole she got me to visit this email:Candovalovespell@gmail.com .It was one of the most excellent thing I have ever done in my whole life. My love life was in total mess after my husband dumped me for another woman,and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn't seem to care. So, with nothing but my pride to lose, I checked it out. I was flabbergasted. This man is for REAL. He did whatever magic he does, and lo and behold – no more than 48 hours later, I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage psychotherapy, and we’re doing very, very well right now. and now he has loved me more than ever..Thank you so much Dr. Candova for your Love and for reuniting my family back sir, his Email:Candovalovespell@gmail.com,or Candovalovespell@yahoo.com.,Tel:+2348131612153

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  28. I want the world to know a great man that is well known as Dr Kasee,he has the perfect solution to relationship issues and marriage problems. The main reason why i went to Dr Kasee was for solution on how i can get my husband back because in recent times i have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about Dr Kasee and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him on his email (onimalovespell@gmail.com) which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness.I will no stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. I will drop his contact for the usefulness of those that needs his help.His email is ONIMALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM and you can also call and whatsapp him on +2347051705853 You can contact him today and get your problem solved.

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  29. I contacted Lord Lugard during the period my husband left me in February 1st of 2016 because i wanted my husband to be home with me and we could be together on valentine's day. I skeptically called to see if he can be of help in making my husband love me and return his love and emotions back to me again. So when we had the first conversation he reassured and i quote "This spell is going to take a bit longer than my previous spells, due to his reluctance and a controlling spell laid on him, but no worries I'm going to bring him back to you and make him fall in love with you again''. I can now bear out witness to the whole world that I moved in with my Husband in just 24 hours after his spell casting for me, and he has committed to the relationship and I can't thank Lord Lugard enough for changing my life for good..I am totally amazed and so happy that you have been able to do this for me. I am so amazed today because IT WORKS and I am living proof. I can't show appreciation to you adequately for bringing my man back, and will be forever appreciative for that. Thank you, thank you, Lord I will keep you informed, you have worked tirelessly for me. Call Him: +1 661 381 5308. Email: miracletemple@live.com. Website: www.miracletemplespell.com

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  30. Am Kate Wilson from united States This is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the 2kids and we have suffered for 3years until I met a post where this man Dr ATIAFO have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me I just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: atitafospelltemple@yahoo.com .or call +2347067607073.

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  31. Hello, am Tanya from United State and i want to give thanks to Dr Ekpiku for the pregnancy spell he cast for me and it work out successful and am so happy about it. i want everybody to know about this great news that i shared on internet that Dr Ekpiku can help cast a pregnancy spell that will work according to your heart desired. Contact him on ekpikuspellhomeofgrace@gmail.com or what app number +2348073673757. THESE ARE THE THINGS Dr. Ekpiku. . HERPES . HIV/AIDS .CANCER. ANTHRAX ...

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    Replies
    1. I hope this helps a lot of Woman and Men out there.
      100% guarantee Love spell..! A very big problem occurred in my Relationship few week Ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell indicator ,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited on the internet . I sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, my husband who didn't call me for the past few days, gave me a call to inform me that he is coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Okaya, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM Or Whats App Him on his number +270814506790

      Delete
  32. Midred Jackson Says

    Am giving this testimony because am happy and only GOD in heaven will help me to bless and protect this great spell caster called Dr Otis Darko as he is a GODSENT into my life to change the situation of my life and restore JOY, HAPPINESS AND LAUGHTER into my life again as he alone is who I can say contact because he was the only one that could help me get my ex back to me and made him love and cherish me like never before....

    My name is Midred Jackson from Michigan I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once. when I went to Africa in November 28th 2015 last year on a business summit. I ment a man called DR OTIS DARKO. He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back your love’s gone, misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony because the man I had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 2 years… I really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when I met this spell caster, I told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him and at first I was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but I just gave it a try and in less than 2 days when I returned to MICHIGAN, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologize for everything and we had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..I didn’t believe it because the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all I wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address: otisdarko60@yahoo.com and he will help out...

    GREAT OTIS DARKO I thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you I would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    Please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay or any kind of problem you are facing in life as this man is GODSENT into this world to help everyone solve their problems today in life..

    What a powerful man such as DR OTIS DARKO.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. otisdarko60@yahoo.com................... YOU CAN ALSO ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

    ReplyDelete

  33. Hello to the people of this forum< Am chizzy from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR UKO has done for me , it all started last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at first him was still calling me and show love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i tried to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me again that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i tried talking he will hang the phone on me i was so heart broken and i was frustrated about this , but on a second thought i was not convince that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR UKO of ukospelltemple@yahoo.com saying that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me tried i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold dr uko said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and started saying on the phone am sorry it was like a dream to me , with this i said i will tell the world of his dr UKO goodness in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via

    email ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or whatsapp him on ; +2347064650019

    ReplyDelete

  34. ZIKA DISEASE

    God bless Dr.UKO for his marvelous work in my life, I was diagnosed of ZIKA DISEASES since 2014 and I was taking my medications, I wasn't satisfied i needed to get the ZIKA out of my system, I searched about some possible cure for ZIKA DISEASES i saw a comment about Dr.UKO, how he cured ZIKA DISEASES with his herbal medicine, I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 7 days later i was cured from ZIKA DISEASES, Dr. UKO truly you are great, do you need his help also? Why don't you contact him through ukospelltemple@yahoo.com whatsapp him on

    +2347064650019

    DOCTOR UKO CAN AS WELL CURE THE FOLLOWING DISEASE:-

    1. HIV/AIDS
    2. HERPES
    3. CANCER
    4. ALS
    5. AMOEBIC MENINGOENCEPHALITIS
    6. ANTHRAX
    7. PLAGUE
    8. EBOLA
    9. BRING OF EX LOVER BACK TO LOVE YOU AGAIN

    ukospelltemple@yahoo.com

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  35. I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too cost, i couldn't afford it either and i so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until i came across Priest Babaka, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and i got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact as i drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: babaka.wolf@gmail.com

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  36. I want to give an unlimited thanks to this Great man Called Dr. Okaya. I am happy today because my husband is now back with full of love, My husband left me for another woman,just because we had a little misunderstanding. he left me and promise he will never come back to me again. i cry all day looking for a solution to help me bring him back. Then i saw a testimony share on the internet by client. i email him and tell him my problems with my ex husband, and he promise to bring him back home within 2 days. indeed he is wonderful he help me to get my husband back within 2days which he promise and my husband return to me and promise to love me forever and beg me for the pain he caused me. I will forever be grateful to you Dr and i will not stop to publish your name on the internet for people to see how truthful you are. And I want to say to everyone on this site that I will always remain thankful to this man Dr. Okaya for all he has done for me,My husband is back with love,caring,truthful and he promise to love me forever.I have made a promise that every body I know will never have a relationship problem, via email (OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM Or call/Whatsapp +27814506790

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