Back to School Shopping

Every year, back to school shopping has stressed me out.  Katherine grows so fast, and there are always so many things to buy, and the budget was so tight, and Bryan would act like I was being a spendthrift by giving me pursed lips and cold eyes.

Shudder.  Not happy memories.  I would end up buying some items for our girl but feeling guilty and getting a lecture that our finances weren't good etc.

I HATED always feeling guilty about money.  Even groceries made me feel guilty, because perhaps I was spending too much.  There were several years when I went to FIVE grocery stores to get the best deals from each....but I still felt guilty all the time as if the fact that I was the one ringing up the broccoli and paying for it made me bad with money.

That's exactly it, actually.  I let myself believe that I was bad with money, and that my financial situation was the way it was because I was inherently bad with money.

Well, separating has been quite a wake-up call.

I am living on less than before, and shockingly, I'm coming out ahead.  I took a 10 day road trip and stayed in hotels for five nights, and I'm still ahead financially.  Typing that makes me feel pretty much GIDDY.  I know what my bills are and when they're coming in, and I'm still okay!

With Bryan, I'd say, "Honey, I just checked the balance and there's only $50 to get us through the next three days until payday."  He'd say, "Okay, do you want to order pizza for dinner since we have enough?"  Um, NO.  Our savings was pretty much nil and NO I DID NOT WANT TO SPEND OUR LAST $50!  Okay, sorry for shouting.  I get incredibly angry when I think about it.

Living like that was hard.  I knew that if I didn't spend it, he would spend it, and that there would never be savings, and that at the end of the month there wouldn't be enough, no matter what.  I shopped the day the paycheck came in to make sure the cupboards were full.

Ugh.  It makes me shudder thinking of it - it wasn't very long ago, and the thought still fills me with dread.

So: it's the 19th, I haven't spent all of the money, there is money to carry over into next month, and when I get those zillion notes from school about extra supplies and PTA fees and sign ups for some activity that Katherine is just dying to do, I will fill out the checks and know that they're covered!

And today Katherine and I are going school shopping.  She doesn't need too much right now, but she will be able to pick out an outfit for the first day of school that makes her feel special and happy, and when I pay for it I will smile because I've got it covered, it's not going to break us, and because I love being able to take care of my daughter.  AND - I have a couple items I've been putting off buying for myself, and I can buy them, too.

Now, who's good with money?  I am, that's who.  WAHOOOOOOOOOO!  And I'm just getting started.

Happy Sunday, everyone!
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Questions for readers:

Are you able to better manage your finances after divorce?  We all know that divorce puts many women into poverty - which is criminal, in my opinion - and that not everyone comes out ahead.  What is your story?  How do you manage your finances after divorce?