Thursday, February 7, 2013

Quiveringly tired

I started beating myself up this week - why am I so tired?  Why is it so hard to function?  What is WRONG with me?


What's wrong with me is that in the last month I got divorce AND had a breast cancer recurrence scare.  In the last week, I've been managing the business all by myself, I had surgery on Monday, my daughter has been sick all week, it's the school performance this weekend, my ex has been in my house every day (with the sick girl - why do they have to be at my house?!), and tonight I'm hosting a birthday dinner for a friend, which required making a cake last night and frosting it at 6am today, running to the market for ingredients at lunch, and hoping like heck I get out of here on time to do the rest before she gets there.

I didn't plan for it to be like this.  Surgery?  Can't count on that.  Sick kid?  Total surprise.  Ex in the house?  Sideswiped.  I could have managed the boss being gone and the party, if only barely, but on top of the rest of it, well, it's way, way, way too much.

I will not cancel the dinner - after all, the cake is already made, the table set, the present wrapped.  This is one of my closest friends, and she's been having a tough time, and she's the one that held my hand as I cried on the ultrasound table when they told me I required surgery because they just weren't sure what it was.  You don't let down a friend like that, and I won't.  She's been going through a tough break up, having a harder time than I have for some reason that mystifies both of us, and she needs me, and when your friends need you, you'll show up.

But I'm a bit worried that I will burst into tears in the middle of all of this, because I am achingly, quiveringly tired.  The kind of tired that makes it hard to think, hard to function.

This weekend is the school performance, grandparents coming to the house, etc. etc.  It's my weekend "off" but I really only get Sunday off....but I am going to stay in my pj's and do nothing.  I may not even wake up on Sunday, I might see if I can set an alarm for Monday morning.  Ha!

Hanging in there.  It's a wild ride sometimes.  This, too, shall pass, but the fatigue is something hard to explain.  Maybe next week will be smoother - oh, please God, let it be smoother!  I am ready for some easy, some fun, some delight.  And I'm ready to ditch the exhaustion.

Am I alone in this?  Wouldn't it be so nice to share this with a partner who said, "Hey honey, put your feet up, I'm making dinner?"  Wouldn't it be lovely to have a backrub after he tucked the child into bed?  Don't you miss that?  I miss the IDEA of that, because though I didn't get it very often....okay, I never got it...I always had the hope that it was possible.

What do the other single moms do when they're this tired?  How do you avoid being this tired?  Oh, I know, avoid surgery and work and....  nevermind.  (sigh)


  1. Oh have fun tonight! You can crash Sunday just try to relax now.

  2. BTW, I overheard my girls having a conversation yesterday. JB told M not to do something later or 'daddy will yell'. M, (newly 8 yo) said, "He's really doing better now. Maybe he's going to angry management classes or something". Maybe the woman helps! Brian needs a redneck girlfriend.

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