And so it is

Tonight Bryan and Katherine came over to pick up some items she'd forgotten.

He was impatient from the get-go.  He was snappy.  He was rude to me.  He was rude to our daughter.  She got a bit flustered, but she's kind of used to it, and so I thought it was okay.

Note: it is NOT okay.  Nobody is allowed to talk to my daughter like that - nobody.  But he does.  Frequently.

They left.

A few minutes later they came back, and he waited in the car, but she came in.  Her lip was quivering a little.  She gave me a really big hug, the kind that she doesn't always volunteer any more now that she's more aware of her changing body and she's "not a little kid."  I hugged back.  I said "Are you okay?" and she cried.  She said, "I don't know why he yelled at me..."

We worked it out.  I hugged more.  I told her that her dad loved her, and that he didn't mean to be impatient.  I told her that she was tired and good rest might help. 

She was impatient with me, and said, "It's not that," and she is right.  It's not that.

Her dad is impatient, and when he's impatient, he's rude and unfair and nothing makes sense except his impatience.  He gets a short fuse, and he yells.

I can not make that right for her.

But I have to be honest, I'm a bit glad that she said it wasn't okay.  I told her it wasn't okay, even as I tried to coach her about how her dad loved her.  I will have to think about how to coach her better next time, because there WILL be a next time.  And her teen years are coming, and that's going to get harder, too.

I knew this was coming, nto because I willed it so, but because it was inevitable.  If he was even kind of nice I would have stuck it out, but he is short tempered and that makes him impossible to please.

It brings it all back in aching waves mixed with painful jolts.

She is a strong girl.  She's got her mama's backbone and her mama's integrity.  She can manage this, and she will.  But I wish she had a different kind of father than the one she's got.

More on this later.  Right now, it's too exhausting to think about it.