Or am I?
I'm about to find out.
Last fall I set up an account on a free dating site, "just to see." I did end up going on one date, and I was so nervous that I'm sure he was just shaking his head in disbelief at me - I wasn't exactly a great conversationalist. (When I told my girlfriends about how nervous I'd been, and how I was at a loss for words, they howled with laughter. I am not known for being at a loss for words.)
I feel like I'm in a different place now, so though I'd canceled the account, I decided to go back. This time, I think I know a bit more about what I want, and how to date, and I'm ready to dip my toes in the water.
I've been getting some nibbles on those toes. (Oh boy. Now Google is going to point foot fetishes here. Ah, whatever.)
Online dating cracks me up. On the one hand, it makes perfect sense: we essentially place an order about what we'd like in a date or partner, and plug in our own information, and it spits out a list of people who match our order. On the other hand, it's full of crazies, and the people that find me are often not even from the same universe as myself, let alone perfect matches. There are the crass hook up requests (no thanks, even though 1% of me would find it a total relief - hello! - the other 99% can't do it); there are severely desperate men who are timid and insecure (shudder); there are ultra-conservatives who come across as homophobic, chauvenistic, crazies (why oh WHY have I been contacted by several from this group? NO, I do not believe that feminism has caused the downfall of western society!). And let's not forget the guys who take pictures with no shirt on, or posing in front of their cars.
And then there are some normal guys. Fewer and farther between, certainly, but interesting. Of course, ultimately I'd like an extraordinary guy, not just a normal one, but I'm not quite ready for extraordinary, as I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd just like to go out with a guy who knows how to treat a lady, who will give me an excuse to dress up a bit, who will make me laugh. Is that too much to ask? I want to keep it light, but if I don't blow off a LITTLE steam, I might implode.
Well, last week one of those guys contacted me. A nice, normal guy. A working professional; a dad; a guy with a sense of humor. Our online conversations have been easy. I don't feel a spark, but I don't know if sparks fly in these situations.....I just know that he's fun to talk to, that we have some common ground, that he seems like a nice guy. He asked me out, and I said yes.
And funny enough, his living situation is just like mine. Whaddayaknow.
(Follow up, 5/5/, I said no..we had scheduling issues and I let it drop, though I've received a couple nice follow up notes. He IS nice. And a bit timid. I just can't do timid right now, or maybe ever. I wish him well, but no date.)
I may be crazy to date right now, or it might be just the right thing. We'll see. It'll be at least a week until I learn if this guy is worth a second date, because scheduling between two working parents is a feat in and of itself.
Dipping my toe in the dating pool.....hmmm, it's not too bad......maybe I'll wade just a little.