Thursday, May 3, 2012


So it's been about a week since I put up an online dating profile.  This has been a very good way to get some practice chatting with men, and it's been very good for my ego.

Some disclaimers:
Wow, there are some weirdos out there.  Serious weirdos. 
The attractive, interesting, together guys are outnumbered by the insecure, messed up, not-attractive-to-me guys by at least 20:1.  This is okay with me, though, because I'm not looking for 20 guys, more just for 1.

I still don't know what I want out of this.  I don't want a new relationship....yet.  But I do want a little flirtation.  It's nice to be noticed, to be complimented, to be pursued a bit.  I've been asked on a couple of dates, and I've been pursued by a dozen or so guys.  A dozen!  After being married a dozen years (and partnered more than that), this is pretty amazingly fun.  Of that dozen, there are a couple who are moderately interesting to me.  I haven't chosen to go on a date yet, but we'll see.

This looks nice....

I had my profile up six months ago and didn't receive nearly the same level of interest, even with the same pictures.  I think that this is because guys are smart.  (Look!  I am NOT a man hater! LOL)  I think that when they read between the lines last time, they heard, "I'm feeling a bit insecure and very uncertain, and if Prince Charming would please show up to rescue me I'd be really grateful."  I got some interest then, but not from people I'd want to go out with.  This time, I'm sending out a different message, more like, "Okay, let's try this out!  Ready to laugh, let's take it slow and just have some fun and see what happens."  (And by fun, I mean fun, not sex.  I've tried to convey in that profile that I'm not looking for hook ups.  I'm not dealing with sex right now, I'm shelving it until the time is right.  I assume I'll know when that is.)  The guys that are attracted to me this time, overall, are better fits for me.  (I started to say higher quality, but hey, who am I to judge?)

It is nice to be flattered.  Really, really nice.

Something new I'm trying this go-around is that I'm not reaching out to men, I'm waiting for them to reach out to me.  Part of this is a mindshift about my own ability to attract attention: I decided that I AM a catch, and that men WILL contact me.  This is proving true.  The other part of this is that I am not interested in passive men, and I'm not interested in doing all of the work....ever again.  If a guy likes me, he can darn well shoot off a pleasant email in my direction.  The truth is, if he's not willing to take that much of a risk for me, he's just not for me.

I'm a take charge kind of girl.  This is a very new approach for me...but I think that there is something to it.
So, I'm dipping my toe in.  I'm pleasantly surprised at the temperature of the water.  I don't have expectations about what will happen, but so far I'm enjoying the ride....and that is all I can ask for.

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