Friday, October 12, 2012

Reclaiming My Name

Today I learned that my divorce will be final some time around/after mid-January, and we're ready to file paperwork on Monday.

I will reclaim my maiden name, the one that is rightfully mine.

I am emotionally exhausted, but I survived this.  I will survive this.  But today the grief caught in my throoat when I wrote down the name of the favorite beach town where we got married, and when the mediator, in a quiet moment, asked to see a picture of Katherine.  There was so much hope at the beginning of our marriage, and to bring up the wedding location and our beautiful daughter's face was gut wrenching, just when I thought I was done with that.

He will pay appropriate child support.  I will get the house.  I'll make it through this.

But don't mind for a while if I'm just sad, okay?  I know all about the silver linings, and I know that that the divorce is the right thing to do, and that it's what needs to happen, and that my life is better with it.  I know all that.  But today, please, let me grieve what is lost.  I'm just so incredibly sad.


  1. Been there; done that. Read your words; relive that. The sadness that goes along with a door closing and not always having the hope that goes along with the other possible doors which can open. Somebody once gave me this philosophical tidbit (and now for the comedic portion of the program): "If you hang in there long enough... someday you'll grow old and die."

    I'm reading. wb :-)

  2. One suggestion. Allow yourself the good days and the bad days. And don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't feel after a certain amount of time passes.

    There is no "schedule" or single path through grief.

    If you weren't sad, it wouldn't say very much about your value system, would it?