Friday, December 7, 2012

Crabby PollyAnna

No sewer floods.  No health crises.  No financial catastrophes.

But I am CRABBY today.

I'm exhausted.  And my Christmas tree isn't up, and I haven't written out my Christmas lists, let alone purchased much.  And this morning I yelled at my beautiful daughter because she was moving slower than molasses AGAIN and we were going to be late AGAIN and then I felt like complete and utter poop beacuse she's the best kid in the world, although also possibly the slowest in the morning, and it's my job to come up with creative solutions and not to just snap at her and complain that I'm sick of being late in the morning etc. etc. etc.

Deep breath.

I am relieved that it is Friday in a way that is unusual for me.  I work hard at loving my life, imperfections and all, and enjoying my job, enjoying the busy-ness, etc.  I like every day, and while I love weekends, I don't always feel the desperate need for the weekend.  I feel that level of desperation today, though.

What I want right now is to be utterly still.  To have time to think.  To sit and stare at nothingness (which, come to think of it, is what Katherine was doing this morning and I snapped at her for it....hmmm).  To simply be.

I hate it when I'm crabby.  Life is really too short to be crabby.

Slowing down my breathing.  Reminding myself that it IS, indeed, Friday, and that tonight I get to hang out with friends who will really let me be myself and want nothing more than to sip wine on their sofas.  That tomorrow I will sleep in, will not wake Katherine up before she is ready, and will have a chance to stare out the window.  That the tree will go up tomorrow, and the house will feel festive, and we will not be operating on a frantic "hurry, hurry, hurry!" schedule, the one that has been making me so crazy and crabby.

Maybe I can even blog some funny soon-to-be-ex co-parenting stories this weekend.  With a little perspective, they're funny.  (I may not quite have perspective yet, but I'm working on it.  This was an interesting week between the two of us.  I didn't kill him, yell at him, or otherwise go crazy, but if I had, I don't think you would have blamed me.)

Happy Friday, everyone. 

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