Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Whatever it takes...

I continue to wake up at 4:45am to work out from 5-6am, in the hopes that I will find myself filled with energy throughout the day as a result.

But let's be honest, I'd rather look like this:
 or this:
or this (but brunette):

than like this:

So, that's got something to do with it.

But today it occurred to me that spring is really just around the corner, and with it, I intend to get out into the dating world.

When I walk into the restaurant/bar/coffee shop to meet someone for the first time, I want to have a spring in my step that can only come with confidence.  I want to wonder what I will think of him, rather than wondering what he will think of his first impression of me.  I want to feel good (cue Nina Simone).

But to take it one step farther...

One day, I'm going to have sex again.  (Oh dear God I hope so, anyway.)  And that, my friends, is incentive for me to get up at 4:45am to have a woman in yoga pants torture me, or to head out in pouring rain with my dog.

It's hard enough to be a single mom on the dating scene - when will I have time for a coffee, let alone tangling the sheets?  It's hard enough to be facing first time sex (e.g. not with someone who has known me, and my body, for years) when I'm in my forties.  It's pretty complicated because I've had double mastectomies and reconstruction, and I'm going to have to be sassy and sexy despite scars and silicone.  I can at least make sure things aren't jiggly, that I feel strong.

Whatever it takes.  I'd love to say it's all about health and energy and feeling great, but let's be honest.  The idea of getting naked in front of a man is a very good incentive to whip my butt into shape.   And if that is incentive at that ridiculous hour of the morning, I will take it!


  1. Labels: health, life after cancer, life after divorce, optimists divorce

    You are a brave woman. You're going to make it.

    I'm reading. wb :-)

  2. Thanks, WQB. I wish that my life didn't REQUIRE bravery to get through, but it is what it is. I appreciate your faith in me!