Rest

Burning the candle at both ends made me crabby.

But it's 10am, and I'm still in my (Christmas) PJs.  Katherine is just starting to stir in her bed.  Sure, I've done a load of laundry and put away things left in the sink last night, but I'm also on my third cup of coffee and I spent a half hour on the phone talking to one of my best friends.

Ahhhh.

It is amazing how a bit of rest can change one's perspective.

*****

Today's agenda includes getting, and setting up, our Christmas tree, just Katherine and I.  Though I'm a bit worried about my ability to do it without adult help, I think that Katherine is just old enough to be of some real assistance, and it will be just fine.  We will have hot apple cider, we will play carols (my favorite Christmas album is Wintersong by Sarah McLachlan; this year I also purchased the James Taylor Christmas CD; and no Christmas is complete without some Charlie Brown Christmas and some rat pack Christmas songs).  We will chide our crazy kitten (who is over a year old now but rather energetic) that trees are not for climbing, and we will keep the more delicate ornaments up high and out of her reach.

We will get the biggest Frasier fir in our budget.  If the angel on top touches the (nine foot) ceiling that's just perfect.

And then tonight, some friends are coming over, and we're walking to the beach a mile from my house, where we will watch the Christmas Ships.  The ships will be all lit up, and they play Christmas carols, and those of us on the beach will sing along - it's a northwest tradition.  Then, we'll walk back to my place, open some wine, and order Thai food.  (My Martha Stewart self is horrified - no winter traditional stew, or maybe a lasagna?  But my working-mama self is delighted not to spend the day shopping and then cooking.)  Tonight Katherine will watch Charlie Brown Christmas with her friends, while my friends and I listen to Diana Krall crooning Christmas songs while we drink wine by candle and Christmas-tree light.

*****

I have no anxiety about this, none at all.  I used to feel anxious about events like this, because the walk made Bryan crabby, because he thought the tree was too much of a hassle, because Bryan's bad mood would rub off on the guests, because I never understood how something so lovely as setting up a Christmas tree could be cause for anger and snappishness.  Sure, it will be cold on the beach, but that is what sweaters and down coats and gloves and hats are for!

It is easier to be single than it was to be married to Bryan.  I am alone, but I am no longer lonely.  It will be easier to put up an eight foot tree by myself (well, with a child's help) than it was to have a "big strong man" who helped but also complained and snapped.

*****

Today I'm counting my blessings.  I worked very hard all week, but today is a day of my choosing, and I choose to embrace the holiday season, to deck my halls, and to love every minute of it.

I've gotta run - the girl is up now, and it's time to have some fun.  Here we go!