Saturday, July 28, 2012

Beyond thinking

My original intent was to use this blog to document thoughtful approaches to divorce, using myself as an example.  I thought I'd write erudite essays with a spiritual bent....

But I'm so tired.  Right now, it's all I can do to occassionally put up a Dear Diary vent with a "here's what I did today" list.

I hope to get back to my higher self, but right now, well, I'm just getting along.  I hope that you, my readers, will stick it out with me.  I'll get there - I'm getting there! - but it's quite the journey, and I'm weary.  No surprise there, but the level of weariness is startling to me.

Planning a road trip.  Building a business.  Worrying over my spreadsheets.  Trying so hard to gather my daughter into my arms to hold her tight, safe and warm, without invading her personal space.  Caring for a house that suddenly seems far too big, for a dog who is lonely at home all day, for my own body (which has already reminded me that when things go wrong it gets cancer - I have not forgotten that!), managing extended family and friendships....

My prior posts on wanting to date seem humorous and humorless at the same time now.  I don't have time to daydream about love, let alone fall into it.

(Okay, my daydreams are alive and well....even if it's only as I fall asleep...)

So, for all of you who are struggling with the details of divorce, the mind numbing quality of the, with the daily needs of life superimposed on top, well, you're not alone.  We're in this together.  I'll get there, I'm sure of that, even if I can't always see the whole path, but I won't stop trying.  And if I can do it, you can do it too.

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