Sunday, July 1, 2012

Waking up alone

This morning, I woke up alone.  No girl just down the hall, no grumpy man in the basement.  It is the weirdest thing! 

I know that the girl is well, that she likely slept in the bed that I made for her with bedding that I helped her to choose, then had a bowl of cereal (cereal, milk, and honey, all purchased by me then packed then moved then unpacked by me) in the bowl that I made sure got packed, unpacked, washed, and put in the cupboard, and that soon afterwards she will go to the dresser that I found and purchased and picked up and helped move for her, and then pull out clothes that she and I chose together and that I packed and placed in that dresser for her.  Hopefully she will remember to brush her teeth, with the new toothbrush I got her.

And maybe she won't think of me even one time during all of that, and that doesn't matter one whit.  What matters to me is that I know I've done all I can, that she is warm and safe and comfortable, and that I've helped to create a space for her to love her dad. 

Soooo....not being worried about her frees me up to relax.

And vacuum, and move furniture, and make things feel like mine.  And look at the countertop where nobody got up in the middle of the night to create snacks - no crumbs! no spills! no dirty dishes!

Sometimes it's the little things.  Like removing a sports figure picture from the family room.  That felt unreasonably good.

Sometimes it's better not to overthink things, and today, I'm not overthinking, I'm focusing on the little stuff.  And it feels really, really good.


  1. Sounds like it all went smoothly. I'm so glad. It IS nice to "make things feel like mine", isn't it? I hope you enjoy your new beginning. You've certainly laid the groundwork for a peaceful future!

  2. <3 enjoy your 'breathing room'!