Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Working Girl

This week I took on some new responsibilities at work, and I have been working my tail off.  I wake up thinking about work, and I go to bed thinking about work, and I've been running around all day every day at work, putting in about twelve hours yesterday.

For a woman who was a housewife (oh I loathe that word) for nearly a decade, and hasn't even been working for a year, this is a major shift.

Katherine has been with her dad for a couple of days, and next she's going to Grandma's house, because Grandma and Grandpa are dying for some time with their granddaughter, and I knew this week and next I'd be running ragged at work, so my girl gets some time to bond with her grandparents, and I get to work and just throw myself into it, taking on some projects, getting a bit ahead, and hopefully impressing the heck out of my boss.  Ah, my boss loves me anyway, so I don't care if I impress her, but I'd like to drive some serious revenue for our little business, and it looks like maybe, just maybe, that's happening.

I have big plans for my career, and they're not just dreams, they're plans, and watching them come to fruition is exhilerating.  I have a decade pent up inside me, where my life was rich and full (remember, no mommy wars here, and I'm so glad I was there for my girl, but I'm glad to be working now, because I want to in addition to needing to) but my career was languishing, dying on the vine.  Now, my career is blossoming, and the perfume from those blossoms is intoxicating.

I like myself like this.  Working hard, playing hard, being myself.  Tonight I will have an evening with Katherine, and I will be out the door of the office at 5:01, ready to be a mom, to have a picnic, to play, to read stories, to hear about her time with her dad.  And by the time she comes back from my parents, I will be longing for her to the point where I will have to coach myself not to cry upon reuniting with her, because I really will miss her.  But tomorrow when she's with her grandparents, if I choose to work until 8pm, that's something I will enjoy, too.

I've missed my career, too, and I am so happy to reignite it.  I feel smart, and capable, and useful, and innovative, and valued as an employee and businessperson in ways that I just didn't feel when I spent big chunks of time taking care of everyone but myself at home.

And I don't think I need to point out that coming home to a clean house every day - returning to a house in the same condition that I left it in - is pure delight.  And coming home to a dog glad to see me, a child delighted to tell me about her day and then give me extra snuggles (actually, I think a bonus of working now that Katherine is nine is that she misses me just a smidge, and that pays off with massive snuggling and talks in the evenings, whereas before I was like furniture - always there and not really thought about!)....it's heavenly.

If anyone reading this blog is reading for the first time this week, they might be thinking that everything in my life is roses, and roses can be rather dull to read.  Well, this week, I'm perfectly happy with my dull reports of happiness.  The archives here prove that my life has been rather dramatic and anything but dull for a long time, and right now I am positively reveling in the joy of my simple pleasures.

Day 17 of my separation, and I can't remember being so happy in a long, long, long time.  My general state of being is just happy - I don't need anything in particular to feel happy right now, because the whole thing just feels pretty darned good.  I don't know how long it will last, but I'm going to focus on the joy that is here right now, and not miss one second of it. 


  1. Definitely "Like" Brenda

  2. How wonderful to read this, especially these words:

    I feel smart, and capable, and useful, and innovative, and valued as an employee and businessperson in ways that I just didn't feel when I spent big chunks of time taking care of everyone but myself at home.

    It's so easy to put ourselves as low (wo)man on the totem pole for years, to the extent that we don't even realize it. We may love our nurturing roles as women, but it's so important (and so hard) to make room for what feeds our own sense of competence.

    Brava! And this is a great example for Katherine as well.